The guide to pissing people off

Right all, this post is mainly about things to mention or talk about if you want to turn friends or even families into enemies. This post might come across as sarcastic, some people might really want to make a enemy or maybe you come here to see the kind of question to avoid to not make any enemies. If you feel that any of the given reasons as i mentioned fits to you then please keep reading and enjoy. funny-dont-need-anger-management-people-stop-pissing-me-off-quote-pics

GUIDE TO PISSING SOMEONE OFF

Show off : Nothing better whether its face to face or online dating then a big show off. Tell the person how successful you are but please hype it up, make it bigger then what you have done. Tell the person how much money you are making and how you can afford loads of holidays 5 stars hotel and how you can afford all the latest clothes, watches, cars etc. The more you show off the more you are bound to make people not like you thous creating enemies.

Tell a offensive joke : Yes especially if you just met them or you know they are sensitive in a certain subject. Keep your jokes as narrow minded and as direct as possible. Nothing gets a person more angry then a ”joke” but aimed for one person then a majority.

Talk about religion:  Rather then talk about religion as a general knowledge you may know, talk about it to offend people. Make up things as you go along, look carefully how the media portraits it and then repeat back without even doing any research on the information. Nothing would make people more angry then to talk about something you have no clue about and keep defending your options even with evidence put right in your face.

Talk about cheating: Bring up this conversation while you see your friend or even relative with the person who was doing the cheating. Nothing makes a situation more awkward then talking about your friends bf or gf cheated on you in the past.

Talk about the past: Yes if you know someone had a bad experience in the past and is still sensitive about it. Bring it up. Just randomly talk about it even though you know the other person is finding it uncomfortable just keep going. I’m sure that person will stop speaking to you soon.

Brag about yourself: Keep talking about yourself like you are the best thing that ever happen in the world. Tell people how beautiful you are and always compare yourself to other beautiful celebrities. Mention how you have a perfect body and how every man or woman can’t keep their eyes off you.

Keep your nose in: When hear you hear a argument or a dispute about something that you may have no clue about, jump in on it. Nothing greater then to see someone butting into a conversation either taking sides or just stating their opinion on something they have no clue about. If people tell you to butt out, then keep insisting that you are right and keep shouting as loud as you can.

Make fake promises: Tell a friend you will hang out with them on the weekend, promise that you will call in case you can’t make it, then just don’t show up or especially don’t tell them that you can’t make it. The key is to waste people time and ruin their other plans.

Be a flirt: Don’t just flirt with people you don’t know, aim higher. Flirt with your friends or even family members boy friends and girl friends. Sure you might not go the whole way but flirt a lot with them especially if the other half is there.

Complain: Go on a date with someone who you don’t find appealing and complain about things you don’t like about them i.e tattoos, body hair, hair style, prospects. Just basically waste the others person time just purposely going for someone who has a different taste then you so you can moan to them about it.

Facebooking: Don’t just post anything, post your daily life about 10-20 times per day. Tell people exactly what you are doing, even if its nothing. Post pictures about every single meal you eat, post to people about where you are going every second of the day even if its to the shops to buy some milk, take a picture of the milk and tag people. Just make at least 10 posts per day.

Keep calling someone : If your friend or partner doesn’t answer the phone, then keep calling like 100 time or even more till they pick up. Send about 200 texts and maybe leave a few voice mails. Nothing better then having someone checking up on you like your a lost 5 year old even though you are working or driving

Accuses people : without any evidence just accuse people for anything. Even if you didn’t hear or see anything just do it anyways.

Harassing : If your on a online dating or even just facebooking someone a message and they don’t reply straight away, keep sending messages to them reminding them that you still exist and keep reminding them that you are still waiting for a reply. Nothing better then going online after a busy day and finding 100 hate mail messages asking why you didn’t reply back.images

Anyways, these are the ways to piss someone off so if your thinking about doing it then follow my instructions and you will be successful or if you already do them but didn’t  know well i hope this post helps you to control them or you may think ” i’m doing a good job so far” haha 

 

 

Do’s and Don’ts on a dating site

Hi there all 🙂

Well as you guys know not too long ago i made a blog about ” past vs present : dating”  now although i gave my personal choice about me still being old fashion and giving  pros and cons on both old fashion and online dating, I am still open minded about it and i think each works best for each individual.  As i explained in the earlier post i know it can be difficult to meet people whether its because of work time or being there at the right place at the right time to meet someone as well as other things, so i can understand why online dating would be more easier for some. So i’m just going to give a few do’s and don’ts if you or when you join a site.dos-and-donts

DO’S 

 

Researching is very VERY important. Now depending on what you are looking for its always best to research the site and look for reviews and feed back on any particular site you are looking for, especially if your looking for something serious you don’t want to waste time on a site that doesn’t focus on it.

 
Read the terms and conditions. When i say this i mean paying sites. Again make sure you read and research on the site to make sure its worth it for you and make sure that at any point if you wish to stop payment there won’t be any hassles. I read that some people had problems stopping payment to a site they wish to discontinue. So please take time and research these things if you decide to pay for the site.

 
Keep it simple. When writing about yourself write things that highlights you the best. Pick at least 5 things you think will make you stand out from the rest and bare in mind you don’t have to write a lot about yourself, keep it mysterious a little it would give the other person more reason to what to get to know you.

Using the sites tools. On every site they will will give you options to state what you are looking for. So make sure you are clear that you are looking for casual or long term etc.

Reading others profile. Make sure that whoever  you are checking out matches the same criteria as yourself. No point messaging someone who is looking for long term if you want casual. It would be a waste of time unless you believe you can convince them otherwise then go for it lol.

Recent pics. Make sure your picture is no older then 1 or 2 years old. The more recent the better.

Be nice. There are some sites which is similar to facebook as in commenting on pics or your profile. So whoever you talk to make sure you keep calm and be nice, otherwise they might comment something nasty about you preventing others to want to talk to you giving you a bad name. Although you can eventually delete the comments and block the person, still better to have a clear name.

Using the advance search. You can always use this option to find someone  point by point on what you are looking for. This is also known as a filter.

Be creative. When you message someone for the first time rather then be boring and say ” hi, hru??” try and be more creative with your message. Try maybe asking a random  question that would make them laugh or asking a question regarding to their profile that will show you actually read about them and not just looked at the pics.

Have fun. Yes have fun with the site, keep it all conversations causal and flowing don’t take it too serious to the point where your stressing over it.

Be realistic. Yes bare in mind that Brad Pitt or Hally Berry won’t be joining a site anytime soon lol. So be open minded about your potentials.

 

DON’TS

 

Photoshop. If you want to give the pictures a bit of a glow or you want to edit a spot which you don’t have anymore then fine. But don’t go over board by giving yourself a nose job, boob job, face lift, more slimmer, more curvy or anything that changes you completely. It will look unreal and if you do decide to meet the person they for one won’t recognize you and sorry to say but they might be disappointed because you gave them a image that doesn’t exists.

Old pictures. Don’t use pictures that are over 2 years old unless your 100% certain you haven’t changed much since then. Again its at your own risk and choice.

Harassment. Don’t harass or pressure the person into giving their number or meeting up ASAP. Some people i guess wound’t mind but please allow some space and time before asking if they want to meet you or not or give their number. Bare in mind we can’t always be on the site 24/7 so don’t take it personal if they person takes 2 or even more days to reply.

Life story. As i said before keep the ” about me” part short and sweet. If you write your whole autobiography then it doesn’t leave any suspense about yourself and people would less likely to read off of it because its too long.

Scammers. If someone says they need money to pay to come and see you or they have a sick parent. THIS IS A SCAM. Don’t fall for this please. Don’t ever give money to someone you don’t know. These people will tell you a sob story, make you feel sorry for them,  make you believe that they are the one for you by basically agreeing with what you say to gain your trust, then once you deiced to pay them you will never hear from them again and all of them are fake profiles.

Jokes. Now i like jokes but some jokes are better heard face to face then writing. So please keep you jokes as simple as you can. Remember some jokes might sound funny to you but it might offend others. Unless you know the person or you know the person shares the same point as you fine. But really best to keep it as light as possible.

Lies. Yeah even though 30%  lie on their profile. Try not to. Or at least make believable hahaha. I mean like i said if its just causal then i suppose it doesn’t make much of a difference since their only looking for one thing, but if its serious or even short term to get to know the person then its best to keep honest about yourself.

Personal info. Don’t give you personal info to someone you don’t know i.e address, bank details, where you work address. Basically anything that can be hacked in or you getting stalked.

So yeah these are just my thoughts and advice about it. I hope it helps and if you are deciding to go for it then i wish you guys all the luck 🙂

 

 

Dating fails. The heros, villains and down right retarded.

Well i have found a somewhat funny/omg/wtf  site regarding to fail dating or first dates.  This site is suppose to be people submitting their dates and what happens and people would rate it up or rate it down. Now of course i will put the link here at the bottom, but first i just want to elaborate on some of the post i found to be a hero move, villain move and some are just plain retard move and why i personally categories them in that group. So enjoy my top 10 best list. datefail_whitebackground

1.Retard move 

”Realizing I was physically disabled, the first thing my blind date asked was if I could still cook and clean properly. I left without answering.”

Really……. i mean do you think its wise to ask a disable person this question, do people not have any common sense anymore????? I don’t even have to fully express why i put this in the retard group. Good on the girl for leaving his ass straight away god knows how many other retarded questions he would have asked.

2.  Retard move

”I went on a date with this guy, who clearly worked out a lot and had lots of tattoos, which is a major turn-on for me. He started telling about his new tattoo, and I asked to see it: it was a half-naked woman, who had ripped out a guys heart, that covered his entire back. He said he had it done because of how much his ex had hurt him. Great….”

Now i’m not putting it in the retard section because of the guy very expressive tattoo but because the woman herself clearly states tattoos are a major turn off???? i mean if you don’t like them then why the fuck you going out with a guy who has them??? its like me not liking pickles yet i order a salad full of pickles??? and that’s why this entry goes in the retard group.

3. Villain move 

”I dated him for about two weeks and thought it was safe to bring him to my company picnic. He was nice and funny, but had a very annoying habit of talking about calories and fat content every time we ate together. My done point was when I reached for a cookie at the picnic and he looked at me with a frown and said “Ummmm…Do you really need that?”

Ok any guy that says this is a complete waste, i mean really how rude is that to say to a girl???  Plus these are the types of people that will try and bring you down by any means even if you are as fit as a fiddle as they say. If i was this girl i would have shoved it where the sun don’t shine and then make him eat it.

4. Hero move 

”I went on a date with this girl from work. We had dinner at a nice restaurant and it all seemed to be going great. While we were walking together on the street, a black Mercedes passed us by. The girl stopped walking, threw a hungry stare at the car and let out a sigh. She said: “Oh, money impresses me so much!” She went home, alone.”

And it serves her right to. I made a blog about ” things you shouldn’t say in a date” and here is the reason why you shouldn’t take about money in that kind of way because no matter how good looking you are if you come across as a gold digger they will leave your ass. Hence why i think this guy made a hero move.

5.Villain move

”I went out with this one girl a couple of times. On our third date she looked at me and asked if I had ever considered getting my eyebrows waxed.”

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yep its a cycle here and something i nor other will understand but like i said you find something wrong or unappealing with the person then DON’T FUCKING DATE THEM. SIMPLE. Why go though hell and making the other person’s life a misery just because your  have nothing else better to do but complain about something you knew about but thought ” fuck it, i’m gonna be a moaning asshole anyways”

6. Villain/retard move

”I was in a chat room and met this this guy. We both love horses and we really hit it off. So we decided to met up in the stables. He looked at me and said the horses look better than you. I left and cried for 6 days straight!”

Poor girl, but whether it was a joke or not still if your dating someone for the first time remember to keep all jokes at bay if none at all ( harsh ones). I mean having a laugh and few minor jokes is cool but your date is not your best friend you usually take the piss out off. Until you get to know the person really well then i wouldn’t suggest making harsh jokes like that. That’s how you end up forever alone and one day your so call ” joke” can lead to other reactions such as a punch in the face.

7. Villain Move

”When I picked up my date she looked at me & made a weird face, like she was disappointed. I asked her what was wrong & she said that my shirt clashed with her outfit. She said to wait on her doorstep while she ran up to change. 25 min. later she came back & said that it would just be easier if we went out and bought me a new shirt before dinner.”

I’m sorry but if i was the guy i would have just left….. i mean she’s picky about the shirt just imagine everything else. I mean poor guy had to wait and all. But seriously i heard about picky people before but this takes the trophy. Next thing you know she will be telling the guy how to take a dump and make sure the toilet paper doesn’t clash with the shit.

8. Hero move

”I went out on a date with a guy I have been friends with for 2 weeks. After the dinner and movie he parked in front of a motel. I asked him what he was doing, and he literally said, ” I talked to you, listened to you, and took you out on a date. So you’re gona f**k me right?”

Hahaha now your probably thinking why the fuck i put this as a hero move and well the reason is because, at least he’s straight up and not messing about. Sure it might sound sleazy but hey lest he’s not pretending or leading her to believe anything, just straight  to the point yes or no loooool. I mean i would rather hear that then someone leading you on to something that will never happen.

9. Hero move

”I was out with a few girls one night and I saw a gorgeous guy playing pool with a bunch of friends. I could tell that he was interested & I was so excited when he walked toward me. But when he leaned in and introduced himself I almost passed out. He had the funkiest breath I have ever smelled! He asked for my number & I told him I was taken.”

Hahahaha i like how this girl deal with the awkward situation, no need for me to explain further to why this is in the hero group. Least she wasn’t directly insulting the guy like some would, she just slyed that nicely.

10. Retard move 

”Years ago, I went on a date with a hot girl. We clicked right away. In fact, she was coming on to me very strongly. We went back to my small apartment and she started to grind on my leg. We were kissing and it was dark. After a half hour she left, when I looked down at my jeans they were soaked in blood. UHHHHHHHH. Didn’t call her again.”

And some people  just don’t understand the meaning of mother nature can be very VERY unpredictable. I mean is not like she had her period on purpose, it can happen anytime and most likely unexpected. This guy is a retard because he seems like a shallow type. If she had a dump on you that would be a whole other situation. But lets understand this  guys, When a girl does have her period don’t make her feel worse or embarrassed then she might already. Its part of mother nature, get over it.

And that concludes my top 10. Check out the website for more stories that you might consider and a hero, villain or just plain retard move.

http://www.datingfails.com/